I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
