Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
