The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
