You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The Olympian is in my bed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
