I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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