Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
