i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
