i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
