I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
