Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
