Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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