She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
