any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
