I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Let's get the cat blown out
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
