Fuck appropriateness.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Even my vagina gasped.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
