Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
