can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
