yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
