Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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