I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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