He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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