sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
