the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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