I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
