My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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