I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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