Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
