there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
