I'm jealous of your bromance
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
