Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
