I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
