That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
