Nicole vs. Life
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
