Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
