I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
