i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
