just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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