after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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