Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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