oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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