we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
