Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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