We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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