god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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