My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
