I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Less talking, more tequila
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
