Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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