Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
