My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
MIDGETS
????
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
