please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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