all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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