I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
