What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
